Am just so afraid... of whr i am today... of wht i am today.. n wht has become.. the way it has become..... okay.. confusing...
am afraid of growing up... n that I have grown to whatever extent I have... Most of it has been forced.. unreal... In my life I have always had somebody to look up to... Mostly my father.. Some parts my teachers at school... I have forever had a guide.. amazing ones.. really brainy and capable ones.. And now I have none.. Okay probably not none.. but not in the ways like before.. I have none to guide the family... everywhere else its become so sick... Everything I do now has bigger consequences and there is not many to help... I have but to fend myself..
I have always had an inner child.. I guess everybody does.. But mine I had preserved... Coz in it alone I saw sanity.. Felt so safe n nice n comforting... Now slowly beginning to accept and realise stuff.. But its scary.. Sometimes I feel I could be that kid.. Sometimes I feel like curling in my bed and staying there forever...
What am most afraid of is not finding somebody to be along side me in this journey of mine.. I have friends.. Great ones.. but i seem to have reached a point whr no one really understands me completely.. and the chance of finding that person, friend is just a dim light in the darkness of the forest... Afraid...
am afraid of growing up... n that I have grown to whatever extent I have... Most of it has been forced.. unreal... In my life I have always had somebody to look up to... Mostly my father.. Some parts my teachers at school... I have forever had a guide.. amazing ones.. really brainy and capable ones.. And now I have none.. Okay probably not none.. but not in the ways like before.. I have none to guide the family... everywhere else its become so sick... Everything I do now has bigger consequences and there is not many to help... I have but to fend myself..
I have always had an inner child.. I guess everybody does.. But mine I had preserved... Coz in it alone I saw sanity.. Felt so safe n nice n comforting... Now slowly beginning to accept and realise stuff.. But its scary.. Sometimes I feel I could be that kid.. Sometimes I feel like curling in my bed and staying there forever...
What am most afraid of is not finding somebody to be along side me in this journey of mine.. I have friends.. Great ones.. but i seem to have reached a point whr no one really understands me completely.. and the chance of finding that person, friend is just a dim light in the darkness of the forest... Afraid...
No comments:
Post a Comment